Struggling

I just hope this day goes fast so I can go to school and see friends. Being alone is the worst. Knowing that no one is close to you is horrible..I feel sad. Family doesen’t help because they aren’t what I need now.

I should be strong but what if I can’t? What if I don’t have energy for that?

After I woke up I just laid on sofa and watched videos. My family left for a while so I came to computer to write. I guess I should eat something and do hot cocoa. TIME FOR CAT PICTURES!

Our home is a mess and I hate it.And it’s a mess because we have three cats and two dogs… I don’t want to be here but don’t have any interest to leave. One reason for that is that it’s cold outside and I’m lazy. Probably shouldn’t be complaining about this but I do it anyway. I let everything out so I will feel better.

I always wanted to survive alone but I need to admit I need people and help. I need people to love me. I have tried to be more independent but it only hurted me.I haven’t tried for a while because of that.

Pictures of happy cats make me smile even though I’m not feeling well. <3 I just can’t resist them.

I really want to move closer to my girlfriend but I can’t yet because I have school left and I don’t wanna chance school. Seeing her would make me feel better. Or seeing my friends would be good too. I haven’t showered in two days and I look like a mess so I will probably be just at home alone. Tomorrow will be better. I will have to do stuff and I see people so I think I should be just fine!! Time should go faster.

My family is back and my little brother is really loud. I hate it. I don’t always hate him but the way he acts..he sreams always and he is really annyoing…I mean I still love him but I lose my mind with him. And our dog is barking,

I slept over 10 hours at night but I’m still tired and talking isn’t something I want to do the most. But I need to talk to someone to help myself. I try to talk little bit at a time to someone. I need to take care of myself because no one else won’t do it for me. Because I’m 17 not a kid. Sometimes would be nice if someone took care of me even for a while. If someone could hold me and keep me safe for a while.

Can this day be already over pls? Well not too much left anymore I guess. I just need to wait and try my best to feel better.

My body feels weak. My mind feels tired. My eyes feel heavy. I should relax but how?

I try to rest now.

Love from Alex for everyone!

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